Shank's Mare Read online

  'I've only been having a bit of a chat,' she said. 'What a grumbler you are.'

  'Who's a grumbler?' said the landlord. 'Here, get the things out for two guests. Look at your apron dragging on the floor.'

  'What did you do with the chopsticks that were washed?' asked the woman.

  'How do I know?' said the landlord. 'There we are. Now just hand me the chopsticks.'

  'Do you mean these?'

  'No, no. How do you think I'm going to pound potatoes with chopsticks? It's the pestle I want. Don't go to sleep. That ain't the tray. I told you to bring it here. What a fool the woman is!'

  He seized the pestle and began to pound the potatoes in the mortar.

  'You've got the pestle upside down,' said the woman.

  'It don't matter. You look after your own business. There, the seaweed's burning.'

  'What a fuss, you make,' said his wife. 'You're just like a squalling brat.'

  'Here, take hold of the mortar,' said her husband. 'Don't hold it like that. I never saw such a gawk.'

  'And I never saw such a fool,' replied his wife.

  'What, you scold!' cried the landlord, and he brought the pestle down with a whack on her head.

  'You beast,' yelled the woman, and she took the mortar and threw it at her husband, spilling all the potato stew on the ground.

  This made the landlord still more angry, and giving a yell he was going to strike her again with the pestle when he slipped on the potato stew and fell to the ground.

  'Do you think I'm going to give in to such a fellow as you?' cried the wife, and she was just going to grab hold of him when she too slipped on the stew and fell.

  Then the good lady opposite came running over.

  'Aren't you ashamed of yourselves,' she cried, 'quarrelling like this? Behave yourselves.'

  But when she began scolding them both she too slipped on the stew and went over. There they were, all three, slipping about and getting their clothes all covered with the stew. It was a terrible scene.

  'This isn't any use,' said Yaji. 'We'd better get out.'

  'What a terrible couple!' said Kita.

  Concealing their amusement they set off again, and from there reached Utsunoyama. The rain was still coming down in torrents and the road, overgrown with creepers, was very lonely. But they pressed on till they drew near to the Tōdango teahouse, where an innkeeper from Okabé met them.

  'Are you stopping here, gentlemen?' he asked.

  'No, no,' said Yaji. 'We must cross the river to-day.'

  'The River Ōi is not passable,' said the innkeeper.

  'Eh?' said Kita. 'Is the river closed?'

  'Yes,' said the man. 'And there's a daimyō's train in front which has taken all the five inns at Shimada and Fujieda, so there's no place for you to stop there. You had better stop at Okabé.'

  'That's what we must do,' said Yaji.

  'What's the name of your inn?' asked Kita.

  'It's the Sakaraya,' said the innkeeper. 'I shall be happy to conduct you there.'

  Conducted by the innkeeper they descended the hill of Ōdera-ga-hara and came to Okabé.

  There they put up at the inn till the river was passable, thus for a time resting their tired limbs from the weariness of travel.

  BOOK THREE

  FIRST PART

  HE famous Sea of Tōtōmi was calm and there was no wind to stir the pine-trees along the roads. The travellers were polite; the postboys' songs enjoyable; the carriers had no disputes, and the ferrymen did not charge more than their proper fares. The blind could walk alone, women go without protectors, and even the children who had stolen from their homes to go on pilgrimages were free from any danger of meeting robbers. Such was the Golden Age for which they had to be thankful. Wandering to all points of the compass and gathering everywhere indescribable pleasure, these two, Yajirobei and Kitahachi, unable to cross the River Ōi, had to put up at Okabé.

  When they heard in the morning that the government mail-box had gone over and that the road was clear they immediately started from the inn. Already a daimyō's train, from the highest to the lowest, like the teeth of a comb for number, filled the highway with kago and baggage-horses, and was marching along in brave array. Cheerfully trudging along they crossed the River Asahina, passed the island of Yahataoni, and reached Shiroko. Here, on both sides of the road, the teahouse girls were calling, 'Walk in and rest. Good entertainment for travellers. Walk in.'

  'Don't you want a horse, master,' called a postboy. 'I'll take you cheap for two hundred coppers, —just a trifle, your honours.'

  'I can ride another kind of horse for two hundred coppers, you old dirt-eater,' said Kita.

  'Who are you calling dirt-eater?' said the postboy. 'When did I eat dirt?'

  'Hin! Hin!' neighed the horse.

  'Let's have a little drink,' said Yaji. 'Here, miss, if you've got any good sake let's have a drop.' They went into a teahouse and the girl waited on them.

  'Shall I heat the sake for you?' she asked.

  'Yes, yes,' said Yaji. 'And what have you got to eat?'

  'There's only boiled fish and onions,' said the landlord.

  'What, boiled onions?' said Kita. 'That's good.'

  'They're not boiled in water,' said the landlord. 'They're boiled in soy.' He brought the sake bottle and cups and the fish on a plate.

  'Oh, I thought the onions would be cooked like we have them in Edo,' said Yaji. 'But I see they're cooked raw. All right.'

  'Let's begin,' said Kita, and he took a mouthful. 'Halloa, this fish is stale. This was cooked yesterday.'

  'No, no,' said the landlord, 'it's not yesterday's.'

  'Well, we can't eat that,' said Yaji.

  'If yesterday's is bad,' said the landlord, 'I'll give you some of the day before. I'll guarantee that'll make you drunk.'

  'Drunk?' said Kita. 'Why, the saké's half water,' and he spat it out. 'How much is it?'

  'The fish is forty-four coppers and the drink twenty-eight,' said the landlord.

  'It's nice and dear, isn't it,' remarked Kita. 'Come on, let's go.'

  They paid for the food and started off and soon reached Fujieda, where, at the entrance to the town they met an old man with a bundle on his back who was riding on a very restive horse. Just as he was passing the horse came into collision with Kita, sending him sprawling into a puddle. This made Kita very angry and he jumped up and seized hold of the old man.

  'Here, old chap, haven't you got any eyes?' he cried. 'Can't you see where you're going? You'd better take something for it.'

  'Dear me!' said the old man. 'I'm very sorry.'

  'Very sorry? I should say you were. But that won't do. You may think you've got hold of something easy, but I tell you I've got a glare like a gold dolphin if I'm put to it. I'm the sort of man who's bathed in cold water ever since he was born.'

  'Well, if you're used to bathing in cold water it's all right,' said the old man. 'But I'm afraid that wasn't water you fell into; it was horse's stale.'

  'Eh?' said Kita. 'Horse's stale? What did you want to knock me down into that for?'

  'The horse began to kick when I didn't expect it,' said the old man, 'and unfortunately it ran into you. It couldn't be helped, so you must really excuse me.'

  'Excuse you?' said Kita. 'Not I. I wouldn't care if you were the boss of Mount Ōe come with his big rod, or Sekison with his lantern, bearing a face like that of a bear crawling in the gutter. I'm the sort of fellow that wouldn't be afraid if Hainai of Kumé were to enter my house.'

  'You say such terrible things I don't understand what you are talking about,' said the old man. 'I come from Nagata, I do, and my family has always been headmen of the village. At New Year's time, too, when the village offers congratulations to the lord of the manor, I always have an upper seat. You must treat me with more respect.'

  'None of your insolence,' said Kita, 'or I'll break your head.'

  'Eh, eh!' said the old man. 'Haven't you got any brains? Don't you know I'm under the protect
ion of Kwōjin? Don't chatter so much.'

  'Get out, you old shyster!' said Kita. He was going to strike the old man when Yaji intervened and separated them.

  'You must forgive him, Kita,' he said. 'Here, gaffer, you shouldn't be so obstinate when you know it was your own fault. Go on and don't let us have any more of it.' Yaji soothed Kita while the old man went on grumbling to himself and with his face drawn with anger.

  Laughing they crossed the river to Seto, where in front of a teahouse at the end of the town they came again upon the old countryman taking a rest. Immediately he saw them he started to call to them.

  'Here, here,' he cried. 'Excuse my rudeness just now. I had taken a cup too much and I'm afraid I made some foolish remarks. Kindly forgive me. Won't you take a parting cup with me? Do come in.'

  'We've had a drink already,' said Yaji.

  'Dear me!' said the old man. 'I did so want you to have one with me. Do just have one. Here, landlord, bring out some good saké.'

  'Thanks for your kindness,' said Kita, 'but we can't stop. Come on, Yaji.'

  'Dear, dear!' said the old man. 'You're such a hasty fellow. Do just come in for a moment.'

  The old man caught hold of their hands and drew them in, and as their mouths were watering for the sake, they made no resistance.

  'Let's have a cup, Kita,' said Yaji, 'although it's a shame to make the old gaffer pay.'

  'Not at all, not at all,' said the old man. 'Here, landlord, bring out plenty to eat. But I say, it's too exposed here. Let's go into a back room.'

  'This way,' said the maid, and she took the sake bottle and cups and led them round by the garden to a room at the back, where they sat on the verandah to save the trouble of taking off their sandals.

  'Here, gaffer, you have the first cup,' said Yaji, offering it to the old man.

  'Ah,' said the old man, 'let's try it. That's good. I'll offer the cup to the young man.'

  'I'd rather have something to eat,' said Kita. 'I'm hungry.'

  'What?' said the old man. 'Hungry? Then you'd better have some rice. That'll soon make you feel better.'

  'I'll try a cup of sake all the same,' said Kita. 'Ah, that's good. What's the soup? Boiled sardines? I suppose we shall have pumpkin soup after this, or roasted yams.'

  'What stuff you talk!' said Yaji. 'Look at these shrimps. When they jump they look like the angels painted on the ceilings of the temples.'

  'Ah, that's like in Bungo-bushi,' said Kita, and he began to chant. 'Ha-ha-ha! Here, gaffer, let me give you one.'

  'No, no, let me pour for you,' said the old man. 'They'll bring something to eat directly. Here, waitress, waitress, I've been clapping my hands enough to break my wrists. Why don't you bring the things I ordered?'

  'Coming, your honour,' said the girl, and at last the food was brought in.

  'Oh, it's come at last, has it?' said the old man. 'What's in that box? Eggs?'

  'That's why they were so long in coming,' said Yaji. 'They were waiting till the eggs were laid.'

  'Then they're sure to be fresh,' said Kita. 'Excellent!'

  'Please drink hearty,' said the old man. 'You know you saved my life back there by forgiving me so readily. I was so excited I didn't know what I was talking about.'

  'No, no, it was I who got excited,' said Kita. 'I shouldn't have said what I did. Forgive me.'

  'The gaffer's so good-natured,' said Yaji. 'As for this chap he's always ready for an excuse to eat and drink.'

  As the old man was paying for the feast Yaji and Kita went on flattering him up to the skies, while all sorts of good things were brought from the kitchen. When the rice came, Yaji and Kita, although they felt a little ashamed of taking advantage of the old man's kindness, made a good meal.

  By-and-by the old man went out to do something.

  'I say, Yaji,' said Kita, 'you owe all this to me. It's because I stood up to the old man that he's given us all this.'

  'Get out,' said Yaji. 'You're not the only one. Let's have another drink while he's away.'

  'I'm going to drink out of this teacup,' said Kita. Then he began to sing:

  Oh it's come! Yes, it's come!

  Oh it's come, come, come!

  Won't you have another cup with me

  When it's come, come, come.

  Yaji also joined in.

  Oh, she's very like a log

  That's been cut upon the hill,

  But still she is my wife,

  So I really love her still.

  'What fun we're having. By the way, where's the old fool gone?'

  'He's a long time about it, isn't he?' said Kita. 'I say waitress, that old chap who was here, where's he gone?'

  'He went out at the front,' said the girl.

  'Eh?' said Yaji. 'What's that for? Strange!'

  They waited and waited for the old man but he never came back again. They looked everywhere for him but he was nowhere to be found.

  'I say, waitress,' called Kita. 'Did that old man pay the bill before he went?'

  'No, it's not paid yet,' said the girl.

  'Oh, oh!' groaned Yaji.

  'The old fool's trying to play a game on us,' said Kita. 'I'll lay him out.'

  He jumped up and rushed out, but it was like chasing a cloud. As the old man lived in the district he knew all the lanes and bypaths, and had got away quickly without anybody seeing him. Kita came back disappointed.

  'I can't find him, Yaji,' he said. 'He's done us.'

  'It can't be helped,' said Yaji. 'We've got to pay up. The old devil's had his revenge.'

  'Yes, but why should we bear all the cost?' said Kita. 'Botheration! And we were just getting a bit jolly too! It's all off now.'

  'Like that dog of Jiro and Tarō,' said Yaji.

  'It's not a joking matter,' said Kita. 'Here, how much is it?'

  'Ay, ay,' said the landlord. 'It's nine hundred and fifty coppers.'

  'We've been cheated,' said Kita, 'but I suppose we've got to pay. The more I think about it the more annoyed I get.'

  'He was a smart old chap,' said Yaji, 'and he played a clever trick on us.'

  'Eh! It makes one angry to have one's eye plucked out like that,' said Kita.

  But while reviling the old man Kita could not help laughing at the cleverness of his revenge.

  Continuing their journey they came to the River Ōi and were met at Shimada by a ferryman.

  'Do you gentlemen wish to cross the river?' he asked.

  'Are you the ferryman?' said Yaji. 'How much for the two of us?'

  'The river has only been passable since this morning,' said the man, 'and it would, be dangerous to carry you across. If you have a raft it will cost you eight hundred coppers for the two.'

  'That's an awful price,' said Yaji. 'We're not in Echigo or Niigata. Eight hundred's too much.'

  'Well, how much will you give?' asked the waterman.

  'Never mind what we want to give,' replied Yaji. 'We can get over by ourselves.'

  'Well, the temple will only charge two hundred coppers for burying you if you're carried away by the current and drowned,' said the waterman, 'so it's cheaper that way. Ha-ha-ha!'

  'Fool!' said Yaji. 'I'll go and talk to your master. Look here, Kita,' he added as they walked on, 'it's a nuisance having to bargain with these men. Let's go and see the headman. Just lend me your dirk.'

  'Why?' asked Kita. 'What are you going to do?'

  'I'm going to become a samurai,' said Yaji. He took Kita's dirk and put it in his girdle with his own, pulling down the scabbard so as to make it appear that he was wearing two swords, a long one and a short one.

  'There,' he said. 'Don't I look like a samurai now? You carry the bundles and follow behind.'

  'Now we'll have some fun,' said Kita. He took Yaji's bundle, tied it up with his own, and put them on his shoulder. Soon they came to the headman's office.

  'Ah, are you the head ferryman?' asked Yaji, pretending to speak like a samurai. 'I'm on very important business for my lord. Just call your men to pu
t me across.'

  'Certainly, your honour,' said the headman. 'How many are there in your suite?'

  'Eh?' said Yaji. 'My suite?'

  'Yes. Is your honour travelling in a kago or on horseback? How many packloads of baggage have you?'

  'There are three horses fully laden,' said Yaji, 'and fifteen horses with lighter loads, but as they impeded my progress I left them outside Edo. Instead I am travelling in a kago with eight tall fellows to carry it. Just take a note of that.'

  'Yes, your honour. And your attendants?'

  'There are twelve of them,' said Yaji, 'besides spearmen, sandal-bearers, and those carrying my lacquered boxes and stilts, — altogether, from the highest to the lowest, over thirty persons.'

  'Ay, ay!' said the headman. 'But where are these attendants?'

  'Well,' said Yaji, 'they were all with me when I set out from Edo, but they caught the measles at one time or another, so I had to leave them at different stages and there's only two of us to cross the river. How much will a raft be?'

  'For the two of you a raft will be four hundred and eighty coppers,' said the man.

  'That's rather high,' said Yaji. 'Can't you reduce it a bit?'

  'We don't make any reduction in our charges,' said the man. 'You'd better go on instead of standing there talking like a fool.'

  'Eh?' said Yaji. 'How dare you address a samurai in that way?'

  'Ha-ha-ha!' laughed the man. 'A fine sort of samurai!'

  'You insult a knight?' cried Yaji. 'It is unpardonable.'

  'A fine knight you are,' said the man. 'Look at the tip of your sword.'

  Yaji turned round to look and saw that the tip of his sword had struck against a post, and as it was only the scabbard it had bent in two. Then everybody burst into laughter and Yaji was struck dumb with shame.

  'Where did you ever hear of a samurai with a broken sword?' said the man. 'You came here to deceive us, but we are not to be taken in.'

  'I'm a descendant of Minoya Shirōtoshi,' said Yaji. 'That's why I wear a broken sword.'

  'If we have any more of your insolence,' said the headman, 'we'll tie you up.'

  'It's no use, Yaji,' said Kita. 'You can't settle it that way. Let's go.'